I’ve had a rather horrible week and am so happy it is finally over!
Am I even allowed to say that as a blogger, where everything is supposed to be pretty and frilly and full of joy? I think I do, I need to. There is no reason to keep up appearances if they are not truthful anyway, lying and keeping up a facade is so much harder and energy-consuming than being honest…
Honestly, I haven’t done very much, I’ve been plagued with anxiety and panic attacks, which just wouldn’t go away. For days and days, they came viciously and nothing helped. I just lived through them.
I am still able to do basic things, like tend for the kids, homeschool, cook, clean, but everything seems to be blurry, the days went into each other and I barely registered the week had passed. Things like self-care, makeup, or blogging are impossible, though. I remember staring at my makeup brushes, thinking that this would be a great distraction, but also at the same time not having the ability to pick up the brush and use it. I knew deep in my mind what this was for, but another part of my brain simply didn’t comprehend what this utensil was, it was foreign, like an alien instrument from another world, so unreal and impossible to handle.
Your brain is mush during a panic attack, you forget everything, the fear is ever consuming, even the simplest things like breathing are impossible to master, thinking clearly is a thing of the past, nothing but a memory.
I didn’t blog this week, I couldn’t, the only reason a post came out at all was that it was pre-planned and scheduled.
I posted a Halloween throwback and a bitter political joke on Instagram, other than that, I was incapable to do anything.
I still cooked fresh every day, but I didn’t feel like arranging everything nicely and taking pictures. I only got one of my spareribs plate with mac’n’cheese and delicious warm cornbread.
TV, Movies & Books
As you can imagine, I wasn’t even able to read or watch TV much. My eyes would wander across the letters and my mind would put them together, but there wasn’t any comprehension and understanding of what I just read. Same with TV shows and movies, I would see the action, hear the words, but wouldn’t make a connection or be able to follow the story.
I read a few hundred pages of my old book from Maxime Chattam and found another one here I had almost forgotten. One by Richard Laymon, his works are my guilty pleasure. Entertaining and bloody, gruesome and fast-paced, basically written splatter and B-movies, a must for genre fans, but nothing for the faint-hearted.
Blogged & Clicked
I didn’t really blog, one post came out last Sunday, the last Life Update and then I pre-planned another post that came out on Wednesday, which was a pumpkin recipe collection.
I read this interesting article about how important wording is when it comes to dealing with mental illness and this one about borderline personality disorder. And I found this great recipe for mushroom bruschetta.
How did you spend your week and what are your plans for the new week? I hope, it was better than mine.