What do you do when the whole world seems to try to stop your plans when nothing seems to want to go right or your way? What do you do when all your planning, hoping, thinking, overplanning and over-worrying still is not enough, because basically ALL THE THINGS that are not in your power do go in the opposite way that you need them to. When it seems like all doors you try to open are locked or have been locked, even when you were so deeply hoping they were still open? They say, when one door shuts, a window or another door will open, you just have to look around. But what if you don’t see any openings, because your mind was so filled with what you wanted to see and glorifications and glossed over memories, clouded with disappointment and rigid resistance?
I did something that I usually don’t do, I didn’t try to fight it, I didn’t get overly upset about it, I didn’t spend a huge amount of time and energy to try to change things I have little to no influence over, no, I simply went with it, I went with the flow, accepted it without a fight and much ado. That is, by the way, much, much harder than it sounds, yet not impossible and still less wasteful with my energy as the other beforementioned options.
Don’t get me wrong, it still hurts, there is still a disappointment, but at the same time, there is an unwillingness to let this determine my happiness. For way too long I have based my happiness on outer circumstances, I delayed it into the future, when things are different, I refused to be happy in the here and now, refused to accept things the way they were, ever fighting, ever trying to change the unchangeable and forgetting about the things I COULD indeed change: My own perception of my reality, my willingness or lack thereof to work and make myself happy.
There may be things I can not change, there may be things that are not under my influence, but I refuse to let these things dictate my happiness anymore.
A while ago, a little over half a year ago, I would have said, I changed so much, I learned so much, as if it was over, as I was done, as I wasn’t challenged anymore and wasn’t learning anymore. I was so wrong – well, not completely, I had changed a lot, I had learned so much – but it wasn’t over yet. The thing is, you never stop developing, you never stop learning, and life will never stop challenging you so you can grow and learn and get stronger.
Now, ain’t that nice of life, throwing us rocks in the way to make us stronger and wiser, making it hard for us, to toughen us, and to teach us a lesson. Ah, thank you, life!
You can probably imagine that my first emotional response was rather far from gratitude and appreciation for life’s many lessons.
On the other hand, a huge unwillingness has awoken in me, an unwillingness to continue playing the victim to my circumstances and situation, an unwillingness to continue fighting windmills, and moreover, an unwillingness to continue negative feelings and negativity itself in my life. Maybe it is time to be disgustingly positive and inviting to whatever life throws in our paths, at least, I am very willing to try to do exactly that.
On to new beginnings and adventures, wherever the path may lead us, let’s enjoy the adventure.
Top – Apt. 9
Statement Necklace – Happiness Boutique (PR SAMPLE)
Skirt – Flying Tomato
Pumps – Madison
Lace Cami – SheInside (PR SAMPLE)